How to Give Yourself an iMakeover on Facebook

31Oct08 How to Give Yourself an iMakeover on Facebook

Be edgy. Pick 5-6 indie bands, preferably emo, and post links to their websites. Never visit the actual sites or listen to their music, but be ready for the influx of girls who like to cut themselves.
Instantly wtfpwn someone politically, and delete their retort. Cut and paste, and send to your “real” friends. If you don’t have real friends, just send to yourself and bask in remembered glory.
How to meet girls. Play Vampire Wars or Fashion Wars, kick their asses, and then invite them to join your clan. Upgrade your friends from a bunch of ugly dudes to a huge stack of beautiful Goth women.
Sign on as the opposite sex, with corresponding hot photo. Meet members of the same sex, and destroy them in front of their friends (”It was a little small, and I had to finish alone” is the death bringer).
Start your own Facebook group. Make sure you don’t have your mother as one of your friends, otherwise, you are going to be miserable come face time.
Upload every single photo of yourself that you have on your computer. This cuts down on random people looking at you because the load time is unbearable.
Make sure you play every single application and invite everyone to join it. Constantly. Then when they ask you to join something, ignore it. Feel the POWER!
Only chat with people you would consider sleeping with. Never start a chat, because that is a sign of weakness. Wait for it.
Poke everyone daily. No real reason, just poke them. The ones that poke back are not your friends but Facebook junkies. Ignore them.
Go on “vacation” Tell everyone when you are leaving, give an itinerary. Make sure that none of your friends live near your destination. Build it up constantly. Then skip Facebook for a week and play WoW and not be missed. Make up surprising stories and adventures and tell them when you “come home”.