Browsing the archives for the chuck norris tag

13Jul09 Top Ten Chuck Norris Tweets

The omniscient and omnipotent Chuck Norris only puts up with lame recycled facts about him because they keep him trending on Twitter. Of course he would roundhouse kick heads off if any of them were not true, so with that in mind we have compiled a list of the most important tweets about Mr. Norris, done extensive research in to their validity and present to you the final results:

  • Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
  • Chuck Norris went to the Virgin Islands and when he came back they were just called The Islands.
  • Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo Is in hiding.
  • When Chuck Norris jumps into a pool he doesn’t get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris.

  • Chuck Norris     once challenged Lance Armstrong in a “Who has more testicles?” contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
  • Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
  • Brokeback Mountain isn’t just a movie.. Its also the name of the pile of dead pirates in Chuck Norris’s back yard.
  • Chuck Norris does not poke on Face Book he Stabs!
  • Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

  • Chuck Norris     doesn’t need twitter. He’s already following you.


READ MORE...
13Nov08 Self Defense Techniques for the IRL Challenged

From time to time, according to different blog sites it is a good idea to walk outside the house and participate in society by going shopping, driving an automobile, and speaking to other human beings without hitting the Enter key. When these moments occur, it is imperative to remember two things. First of all, no one cares about your level 61 DK set. Secondly, you have to protect yourself against the huddled masses that defy meta description. Here is a list for the Facebook spammer, the MySpace uploader, and the WoW addict that will come in handy if the need arises for face time confrontation with wetware.

  • Fl;sn;s;bs <target>;fl;sn; c heal. This does not work. You cannot stack commands in real life.
  • Running away from a fight is a lot more efficient than reforming yourself to back/center.
  • If this person is trying to beat your ass, it is not a good time to ask to join his clan. Walk/run away.
READ MORE...