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Yeah, we have all seen Ninjas. They wear loose fitting black clothing, can walk up walls and jump over fences, and kick people’s ass using a stick and a can of tuna. Ninjas are the master assassins of the net world, the movie screen, and Chuck Norris’ oft-photographed “Ninja room”. But what does it take to be a Ninja? Can an IRL challenged person become a Ninja in only 5 minutes a day?
Of course they can!
Using these tried and true methods, we can guarantee that if you survive the training, you will be able to wear the secret black uniform of a Ninja with pride. Using our patent-pending workout, the muscles you haven’t Googled in years spring to life with deadly force! Wow ( “surprise”, for World of Warcraft players) your friends, impress your date, and scare the hell out of your enemies with your new-found ability to punch through a wall, kick an apple off someone’s head, and backflip across an airport runway. Lets get started!
- Before beginning this or any other exercise program, consult your physician to make sure you are healthy enough to participate. Ha! Just kidding. No one actually does this.
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It is a dark and stormy night. As you and your date leave the latest Julia Roberts movie via the back exit, you are suddenly attacked by 12 Ninjas! What do you do?
Well, if you are the woman in this adventure, run away. Make sure you fall and break a heel, or twist your leg, or something theatrical. Lose your voice and be unable to call for help. Take a wrong turn, and end up captured, tied up, and tossed in the back of a van. Make sure to keep your purse and drop your cell phone. Plead frequently for your life, twist your wrists against the ropes that bind you, and generally make a nuisance of yourself. Don’t show any fear, because nothing is actually going to happen to you anyhow. You are not to be seen again until there is only 5 minutes left in the movie. Your part was easy.
Now, for the guy. You are all alone with a dozen Ninjas. Your date has ran off and tripped or whatever and been captured, etc. Put that out of your mind. Take a few deep breaths while they are circling around you brandishing their Ninja weapons.
- First of all, stand with your back to a wall. From a fighting standpoint, this makes little sense, as you are cutting off any hope of escape. But in order for the Ninjas to do those kick-ass wall walks, they have to be near a wall.
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From time to time, according to different blog sites it is a good idea to walk outside the house and participate in society by going shopping, driving an automobile, and speaking to other human beings without hitting the Enter key. When these moments occur, it is imperative to remember two things. First of all, no one cares about your level 61 DK set. Secondly, you have to protect yourself against the huddled masses that defy meta description. Here is a list for the Facebook spammer, the MySpace uploader, and the WoW addict that will come in handy if the need arises for face time confrontation with wetware.
- Fl;sn;s;bs <target>;fl;sn; c heal. This does not work. You cannot stack commands in real life.
- Running away from a fight is a lot more efficient than reforming yourself to back/center.
- If this person is trying to beat your ass, it is not a good time to ask to join his clan. Walk/run away.
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